Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
