Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
