i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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