smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
