Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I pour the whiskey from now on
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
