i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
