he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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