Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
