i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
