I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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