Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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