Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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