id be glad to
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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