I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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