Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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