he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
foreskin is a definite game changer
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
