I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
