Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
