She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
