you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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