Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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