i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
