Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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