he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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