the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
