im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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