I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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