Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
