Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
