I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
