Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
