goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
