Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
