she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he thought i was a dude.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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