also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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