You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
