I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
