I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
