Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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