I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
try to milk me bitch
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