when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
