i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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