So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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