You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
