we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
