We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
