So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
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Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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