You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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