let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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