If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
