just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
