i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
