I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
