so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
