If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
