Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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