so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
