You made me cry and you don't even care
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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