Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
