Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
