hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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