Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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