Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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