Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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