i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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