If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
