She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
